Journey to Fatherhood

There are easier ways we could have done this.

We could have kept everything private. 

We could have waited to share until there was “good news”.

We could have avoided explaining ourselves – again – to friends, family, and acquaintances who don’t quite know how to talk about two men trying to have a baby.

But that version of this journey didn’t feel honest enough. And it didn’t feel like us.

So we chose the hard way.

We’ve Always Shared the Big Adventures

A few years ago, during the pandemic, we packed up our lives and traveled the country. We shared that experience only – the highs, the struggles, the moments that didn’t go according to plan. Not because it was polished, but because it was real.

This feels like the next evolution of that adventure — and sharing this journey feels important too.

It’s different, obviously. Higher stakes. More paperwork. Less Freedom. But the same core idea: doing something meaningful together and letting people who love us walk alongside us instead of hearing about it after the fact. 

Keeping this journey hidden felt like pretending it wasn’t already shaping us already. 

The Path We Chose – And the Ones We Didn’t

When we first started talking seriously about becoming parents, we explored both surrogacy and adoption. We spent real time thinking about it, researching both options, and talking through what it could look like for our family – now and in the future.

We know there are many children who need loving, stable homes. That matters deeply to us. It’s also something we may pursue down the road as we continue growing our family.

But for our first child, we chose gestational surrogacy.

We wanted the strongest possible legal connection to our child in a world – and a political climate – where protections for families like ours don’t always feel guaranteed. We wanted clarity, security, and stability from day one. 

And yes – we’re honest about this too – we love the idea of seeing pieces of our family lineage reflected in our child. A familiar smile. A shared feature. A physical reminder that this child is connected not just to us, but to generations before us.

That doesn’t make other paths less valid. It just makes this one right for us, right now.

Why Doing This Quietly Felt Harder

This process already comes with enough silence.

Waiting for approvals.

Waiting for timelines.

Waiting for updates that may or may not come.

Adding secrecy on top of that felt isolating.

Sharing this journey doesn’t mean we expect answers, support, or understanding from everyone. It just means we don’t want to carry it alone. We’d rather answer awkward questions than pretend nothing is happening. We’d rather be open about the uncertainty than disappear until there’s a neat outcome to present. 

The Parts That Don’t Fit Into Announcements

There will be moments of excitement here – but also grief.

Grief for how easy this can be for other people.

Grief for timelines we don’t control.

Grief for how often we have to justify choices that heterosexual couples are never asked to explain.

There’s also the uncomfortable reality that money, law, and politics are deeply intertwined with our ability to become parents. Naming that doesn’t feel great – but ignoring it wouldn’t make it any less true.

Why This Blog Exists

This blog isn’t about having all the answers or pretending this journey is beautiful all the time.

It’s about documenting what it actually looks like to build a family this way – intentionally, thoughtfully, and with a lot of hope mixed with uncertainty.

It’s for the people who have supported us through every big chapter so far. It’s for anyone walking a similar path and wondering if they’re allowed to want what they want. 

And it’s for us – to remember that this didn’t just happen. We chose it.

We chose the hard way because the easy way was never an option. And because this – this adventure, this family, this future – is worth doing out loud.